Why am I so angry?

Most people feel angry at times in their life. But for some, anger can get out of control. It can cause issues in relationships and work, and even lead to legal problems.

Sometimes people don’t recognise that anger is a problem for them. They may see other people or things as the problem instead.

The difference between anger and aggression

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. Aggression is how some people behave when they feel angry.

Not everyone who feels angry is aggressive. Not everyone who acts aggressively is angry. For example, sometimes people behave aggressively because they feel afraid or threatened.

Alcohol and some illegal drugs can also make people act more aggressively.

What makes people angry?

Anger is different for everyone. Things that make some people angry don’t bother others at all.

But there are things that make a lot of us feel angry. These include:

• being treated unfairly
• feeling powerless
• feeling threatened or attacked
• other people not respecting your authority, feelings or property
• being interrupted when you’re trying to achieve a goal
• stressful day-to-day things, like rush hour traffic or paying bills
• dealing with grief – grief can make other difficult emotions harder to cope with
• medication, including some prescribed medication and legal drugs

What makes it hard to control my anger?

There are lots of things that can affect how you react to anger. This can mean you react poorly to anger or have trouble controlling it.

Your situation in life can affect how well you’re able to control anger. For example, it gets more difficult to control your anger if you’re stressed or you’re dealing with other challenges.

Your family history can also have a strong effect on how you manage anger and other negative emotions. Growing up, you may have learned unhelpful ways of dealing with anger from the adults in your life.

You may also be dealing with anger from the past that you weren’t able to deal with or express. This can make it harder to deal with new situations that make you feel angry.

Ways people react to anger

Some people express their anger by:

• shouting – this can sometimes be aggressive, involving swearing, threats or name-calling
• acting aggressively – by hitting or pushing other people, or by breaking things
• ignoring people
• hiding anger from other people
• turning against themselves – they may be angry on the inside but feel unable to let it out

People who turn anger inwards may harm themselves as a way of coping with the intense feelings they have.

You can also phone the Breathing Space helpline on 0800 83 85 87 for support. This is open 6pm to 2am Monday to Thursday and 24 hours at the weekend.

Living with anger

It’s important to deal with anger in a healthy way that doesn’t harm you or anyone else. With time, you can learn to:

• recognise your anger signs
• practice breathing exercises
• manage unhelpful thoughts and words
• recognise the differences between anxiety, danger, and anger
• manage your anger in the long term

Learn how to control your anger

Domestic violence and anger

Domestic violence is violence or threatening behaviour within the home. If uncontrolled anger leads to domestic violence, there are places that offer help and support.

If you feel at risk, phone 999 or contact one of these organisations for help:

• Refuge
• Scottish Women’s Aid
• The LGBT Domestic Abuse Project
• Abused Men in Scotland