Rethink Dementia – Danny and Joan
Daniel Murphy (72), married father of 4, is living with Alzheimer’s Disease. Joan Murphy (73) is Danny’s wife and primary care partner, and the couple live together in Stirling.
About Danny and Joan
After being a head teacher at 3 different schools, in retirement Danny worked as a head teacher trainer at The University of Edinburgh. He also volunteered in Cambodia, contributing to the English language curriculum.
Since retirement, he’s earned a creative writing degree and has written 2 self-published novels. He’s also been learning Italian since his diagnosis.
Joan is from Ayrshire and is a speech language therapist. She’s the founder of Talking Mats, a social enterprise which aims to improve the lives of people with communication difficulties. She’s carried out research for several years with people living with dementia.
Getting a dementia diagnosis
Joan first noticed Danny’s memory difficulties in 2013. She recalled, “Danny started putting things in strange places, he would ask repeat questions and lose things, which was not like Danny at all”. While acknowledging that everyone sometimes experiences this, Danny increasingly did this more than might be expected.
Due to Joan’s concerns, the couple took the step to self-refer through the GP which led to a consultant referral. It proved to be a lengthy process, and it took a while to convince the consultant of Danny’s condition.
Danny said, “I had a brain scan, and the results were eye opening. The consultant pointed out a black area on the scan and told us this area of the brain was no longer working”. Danny had an official diagnosis of Alzheimer’s Disease in 2022.
Upon diagnosis, there was a sense of relief for them both and Danny said, “although we didn’t tell friends at first, they now all know and are accepting and supportive.”
Living with Alzheimer’s Disease
The couple made the decision early on in Danny’s diagnosis to remain very active. Joan said, “It’s important to both of us to stay active, as I know the benefits this can bring to someone living with dementia.”
Joan also recognises how much social interaction helps Danny, and the role friends play in helping him live life to the fullest. The couple regularly go on shorts breaks and meet up with a small group of friends to chat and play the board game Canasta together, which they both really enjoy.
Danny’s friends have been supportive and made adjustments to help him continue to live a full life with dementia. He has a long daily walk and goes to the gym 3 times a week with a friend.
Joan said, “From a care partner’s perspective, we’ve found practical aids a real help. I’ve set up WhatsApp groups for all his friends, and I’m included in each one to help remind Danny of his plans. His friends all know of his condition and are very accommodating, so will come to the house to meet him here, rather than trying to have him find his way to them. We also have a shared calendar so we can see each other’s plans and use the ‘Life 360’ app so that we always know where each other is.”
On the family side of things, both Joan and Danny also maintain an active role in their children’s lives, helping look after their four grandchildren in Glasgow every week. Joan mentioned that adding reminders around the home has helped them to keep on track with important activities – “most mornings we use bright coloured post-it notes to organise the day. This includes what needs done and what plans we have so Danny has a pattern of the day.”
Danny’s advice for someone newly diagnosed with dementia is to continue staying socially and mentally active as much as possible.